13 January, 1946

Monday evening
13 January, 1946

Dear Mom,
“Let nothing be done through strife on vain glory but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves; look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” Philippians 2: 3,4

What a miserable wretch I am. How unworthy I am of God’s infinite love and how ashamed I’d be to stand before Him and listen to my evils. Nevertheless, in spite of my severe criticism of others, my failure to “put my nose to the grindstone,” I can have victory in Christ Jesus, and my unrighteousness is forgiven and I can profit by its lesson. Praise God!

This past week has been a flop as far as studying goes! First, night school was moved to another building and our building is secured after hours. I came in town Monday night to the ‘home’ to try to study but with kids squeeling and getting up early to go out to the base I didn’t accomplish “that” much! Tuesday night was spent trying to black out my class room effectively and Wednesday night “unblacking” it, firmly convicted and finally too about tearing down my Lord’s testimony in me, and breaking station rules. Thursday, most of my time was traveling to the home but at last some studying done and Friday a little bit more but at any rate what little studying that’s been done hasn’t advanced my education much at all! – if any! The Lord has some reason in it. I’ll see sometime!

Transportation is my most costly and time wasting problem so, Saturday I resolved a few hours to buy, by some finance company, a motor-bike; well, even if I could have gotten the money there wasn’t one left in town! I couldn’t quite map it out and up till this day’s end I was intending to make this letter for finance’s appeal and in a shameful personage too but I can’t be too sure how long I’ll be in Jax now as they are whooping it up again about the “shipping out Seaman instructor” deal again, and supposedly my chances being away, far away, by the end of the month are probable. I’m going to put in for Specialist of nevertheless and wherever the Lord wants me to go, in Him I’ll prosper and grow. So, before I sent home for funds and get hung with a motor-bike to sell myself, I’m going to make sure of my position.

I wasn’t able to get much of anything done but Christian social work and going to church over the weekend but the coming week seems promising. One thing, my old battle for concentration is on in studying but now I have someone who gives me a true victory over that kind of thing! The noise in evening hours is still around but I got bed around eight thirty and get up at four thirty when even the cockroaches are sleeping! I get in my devotions and some study and when I get out to the base I’m ready to study hard. You know, I’ve been slow on this “draw” but my senses of pulling out resources quickly and widely is getting good practice.

I can say this! Mainly because of my clumsiness and slowness of mind I’ve slumped but if I pass this up-coming test and get into the program it will be strictly God’s will in my life and mind, because my mind certainly isn’t prepared, and not only has God been testing but Satan’s been busy too. It is going to be an aptitude and practically applied acquired knowledge test and with the extremely high number of apt minded Navy students and college and high school students running in the same race, the competition is rough and I’m going to have to have an awfully high grade to succeed. One thing I know, and that is if I try and have faith, God could give me “one-hundred” on it even though I wouldn’t deserve it, and His will, will be finally and plainly shown. I praise the Lord for the opportunity and need prayer strength to keep me on the road to do what He would have me do. I must remember, it all must glorify God, and I pray I will. In all my strife this past week spent trying this and that, the Lord surely has shown me I must be careful in living for Him always.

We had a wonderful Youth for Christ speaker and altogether I heard him speak three times. I’ve never quite seen a Christian so plumb full and flowing over with vim and vigorment! I guess he’d have to be! He was the Field Representative for Youth for Christ National from Chicago headquarters. I went to YFC dinner banquet and heard him, the YFC Rally on Saturday and also he ate dinner at the home Saturday nite; then last night he gave a sermon at Norm’s church and we went over unto the pastor’s house afterward and listened to him until eleven. He never runs down! He was at the home quite a bit and he’s just the type of tolerant, patient but babbling Christian who can speak to your heart and you can tell your problems to. He’s a Baptist minister, married, with a little boy, and has that man got lungs to shout “wit!” I wish you could have seen him.

Well, time’s slipping away and I have devotions and some “sack time” to qualify for. Sending a test separate and also some prayer power tracts- I sure fail the Lord- “I’ve a ‘crowded- Inn’ heart!” I was wondering if you and dad couldn’t have devotions every night; it’s surely a lift? I didn’t help much when I was home to further it- my selfishness, strictly, but try it and pray about it.
John 20:21
May God Keep you and Bless you always,
Your son, Stephen

P.S. Sending “sample” test- looks easy? Anything with studying’s hard for me!